The weddings from heaven and hell
We are back for another season of hopefuls searching for love and hoping to receive the coveted blue tick. This year's cast is notably more diverse, including the oldest groom in MAFS history, Richard, who is 62 years old, and a same-sex couple, Michael and Simon.
The episode starts with the Bucks and Hens party, where the brides and grooms celebrate their last night of freedom. I would be guzzling a few glasses of wine, knowing how poorly matched most couples are on MAFS.
The Bucks and Hens parties were mostly uneventful. My favourite bride was Natalie, a sweet 32-year-old physiotherapist. Natalie is looking for a nerd who can touch type. I also enjoyed Richard, a 62-year-old motivational speaker who clearly lives his best life and doesn't care what others think. Richard is sassy in his introduction; he knows he looks good for his age and tells the audience, "What do people expect a 62-year-old to look like?" You go, Richard, show them that age is just a number. Lucinda, a 43-year-old wedding celebrant, was also quite a character, showing the experts her "man-ifesto" of wants in a partner. My favourite list item was that she wanted a man who laughed at her cosmic jokes.
I found Tori to be such a mean girl. She was so rude about Nat wanting someone nerdy and dismissive of her when she tried to talk to her. Tori, we have no time for hating on women in 2024. Jayden (professional kickboxer, 26) gave me the ick, when he quicky lets everyone know 'I'm a kickboxer I am tough. But I am also a softy'. We are not falling for your rizz Jayden.
Let's move on to the Weddings, where the first match revealed is Sara (nutritionist, 29) and Tim (online business owner, 31). They are matched because they both like Columbia, and the experts think they have the potential to have a lighting-in-a-bottle level of chemistry. The experts clearly think that if you put two hot people together, they will fall in love. This isn't Love Island, MAFS.
We first meet Sara, who is a bit high-strung and snooty. She tells us a story about laughing in her date's face when he asked her to pay. Sara's tough exterior seems to be the result of her previous partner, who allegedly cheated on her multiple times.
We are then introduced to surfer boy Tim, who is looking for commitment after having his heart broken when his girlfriend of 6 years was unfaithful. Tim is a bit of a jet-setter, having lived in a few different countries, including Columbia, where his bride Sara is from.
The next match revealed is Cassandra (admin, 29) and Tristan (events manager).
Cassandra is very sweet; she loves her family and clearly has a very close relationship with her father (a literal angel). Cassandra reveals a couple of tragic stories: her high school sweetheart passing in a motorcycle accident and her mother passing from cancer during the pandemic. You better treat Cassandra right, Tristian!
Tristan seems like a bit of a goof and awkward. Tristran reveals he is still insecure about his appearance, having been overweight in high school. We did not learn much about Tristan other than the fact that he is a mummy's boy.
We arrived at Tim and Sarah's wedding, where Ben, the best man, strutted down the aisle with his wild ginger mullet, causing a bit of a stir among the bridesmaids. The bridesmaids sigh in relief when they discover Ben is not Sarah's husband-to-be. Our mullet man takes their rejection in stride, commenting on how he thinks Tim will be received better by the bridesmaids. Sara walks down the aisle, and Tim is smitten by his Columbian princess. Sara is relieved to see Tim ticks all her boxes too, and he also speaks Spanish, Caliente Tim!
Sparks fly for the couple during the wedding photoshoot. We then move on to the reception, where Sara's bridesmaids cannot spot a red flag in surfer boy Tim. Things start to go rocky when Tim reveals that he just broke off with his ex six months ago, and he was going to propose later that year. Sara is peeved and feels Tim is still not over his ex. Tim digs a deeper grave, saying he may need Sara's help to get over her. This man is a walking red flag.
Things start to go off the rails even more when mullet man Ben takes centre stage for the best man's speech. Ben makes the speech from hell, referring to Tim's past sexual escapades as 'experiments' and telling revolting stories such as Tim's car crash while he was giving head and Tim eating off chicken. The nail in the coffin is when Ben tells Tim's bride, 'Sara, you can find solace in the fact that, rancid or not, Tim will still eat you.' The first dance between the couple is very awkward, to say the least.
Tristan and Cass's wedding was very cute. Tristan is a little energiser bunny bouncing of the walls. Tristan accidentally turns around at the wrong time and thinks a bridesmaid is his wife. The couple seem very happy with one another. Cassandra is drawn to Tristan's warmth and kindness, and Cassandra is genuinely touched when Tristan tries to get to know her family. I like them both so much; I feel for some reason, Tristan will not be her physical type, and he will be friend-zoned once again.
On their honeymoon, Cass and Tristan head to an SA winery. Before the trip, Tim surprises Cass with Tam-tams and flowers. He is a man after my own heart.
Tim and Sara's honeymoon takes place in Fiji. Tim plans a romantic dinner, which ends in Sara storming after he tells her to 'relax'. Men take notes and never tell a woman to relax or calm down… it ends badly.
Tune in for episode 2 of MAFS. I will post another recap tomorrow.
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